Mock Turtle Soup
by Spawn Guy
Summary: The other kind of Their Made Out Of Meat


"A car?"

"Come on Leo!"

"Don, it's a car. What do we need a car for?"

"Other than a means of getting around the city? We can't jump everywhere Leo."

"Wanna bet?"

"You're impossible, you know that?"

"I'm not. I'm just thinking this through."

"And I haven't? Look, if this about the environment thing…"

"I knew you'd rub that in my face!"

"I'm not!"

"Just because I feel our lifestyle down there, while not perfect, could be used as an example to people dependant on dangerous fuels and waste producing technology…"

"Technology doesn't produce waste."

"You weren't there when Mike had a video game marathon. Starting with the Genesis and moving on up. When did he get a Wii anyway?"

"When you weren't looking?"

"What?"

"Nothing. Back on topic--"

"No."

"Why not?"

"We've got the Battle Shell."

"An armoured car. Yeah, that's real fun for the whole family."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Not everybody likes trucking on up to Northampton. The thing handles like a…well, an armoured car. Is it too much to ask for some creature comforts? "

"Hey, we tried the seat warmer idea. You remember what happened?"

"Mistakes were made."

"Exactly. The Battle Shell is perfectly suited to getting us up there. It's not like we drive anywhere else."

"So isn't that all the more reason to do so in comfort? I, for one, want to feel like a normal person when we all get together to do normal things."

"Like drive up to farm houses."

"Yes…"

"And not doing any actual farming."

"What?"

"We don't."

"That's not what we're there for."

"Well maybe it should be. Think of the exercise…"

"We do enough exercise."

"Some people don't."

"I heard that!"

"Sorry…"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Donny…"

"Don't 'Donny' me! I think I know exactly what it means, Mr Perfect."

"Hey now…"

"We got up at 7:00, just like you asked. Me, Raph and Mike. For a four hour jog. 7:00, Leo. 7:00. Four. Hours."

"Keep your voice down!"

"Like anyone hangs around the warehouse district at seven in the evening."

"You'd be surprised."

"Wh--actually--yes, I probably would…"

"Look I know it's rough, but Sensei wants us on our toes…"

"Which is why I think a car would help."

"How?"

"It's inconspicuous."

"What?"

"We could black out the windows. Nobody would be able to see in."

"Would we be able to see out?"

"Hey, we're ninjas, right?"

"That's not funny. And like I said, if you want to ride around in something, we have the Battle Shell."

"Yeah, an armoured car. That's totally inconspicuous. No one would ever notice that."

"No one has so far."

"That we know of."

"I'm pretty sure we'd know if our vehicles were liked to anything. The news picks up on that kind of stuff."

"Leo, we stole the thing!"

"From the Purple Dragons."

"Who stole it from God knows where! We don't have license plates, we use it in ten percent of every car chase we get into, somebody's bound to notice. Armoured cars aren't casual things to drive in. Every time we drive up to the farmhouse we don't farm around in, we have to take the side roads, the roads with no speed cameras, the roads with no tool booths…"

"We have to do that anyway."

"Fair point. I just…I don't know."

"What?"

"I look up at the surface sometimes…and I see the young couples getting into their cars. I see the little kids fighting over the back seat. I see the frat boys fighting over shotgun…which is the exact same now that I think about it. My point is...well, I see normal people…well, apart from the frat boys…I see normal families. And then we find this thing just rusting away in this run down warehouse."

"Donny…"

"Is it so wrong to want that? To cruise along the highway? To feel at ease? To glance at the girls as they flash past your window…"

"Ah ha."

"What?"

"I think I see the problem."

"What?"

"Cruising along the highway? In New York?"

"Well, admittedly there may be a couple of traffic jams…okay, fair point."

"Feeling at ease?"

"Well, we would have cruise control and air bags…"

"Girls flashing?"

"Uh…"

"That was the point I figured it out at."

"I'm a normal person Leo. With normal urges."

"Raph and Mike put you up to this didn't they?"

"Their exact words were 'Chicks dig the car'. While my initial response was 'This is why Superman works alone' I must confess they made a compelling argument."

"I figured it was something like…wait, what?"

"Huh?"

"What was that last bit? That you just said? What was it?"

"Oh, its a Batman and Robin reference. Its a…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, a movie, it stunk, awful, the bit before that."

"Chicks dig the car?"

"Before that."

"Normal urges?"

"No, and please don't ever say that again. Before that."

"Girls flashing?"

"You, Raph and Mike want that, watch the late night channel…not going to happen by the way. After that."

"Cruise control and air bags?"

"Yeah, I keep noticing the air bags part."

"What about it?"

"Are you telling me we don't have air bags in the Battle Shell?"

"Honestly? No."

"Why in the hell not?!"

"Keep your voice down! The surprising people may have extremely good hearing."

"Sorry. Why not?"

"I don't know."

"You built the thing!"

"It…was never really an issue."

"And why not?"

"No room for one thing. One of the draw backs of having to repair a stolen armoured car."

"But why doesn't it have air bags?"

"It did belong to the Purple Dragons."

"Good God, I never even thought about it…"

"No, you probably didn't. I didn't either. Its just one of those things you take for granted. Cars have air bags. Fact of life. Universal constant."

"Now I'm worrying about where you got those missiles from."

"Oh, there's a munitions dump five blocks away."

"What?"

"I know. Turns out the military dumps a lot of stuff near the water supply. Go figure."

"We're driving around in something with no air bags and nukes?"

"Not nukes. Used LAW rockets maybe, but not nukes.."

"I am never riding in anything you build ever again."

"So still not so hot on the car idea?"

"No."

"Even though it'd be more inconspicuous than a stolen armoured car with LAW rockets?"

"An inconspicuous car in New York?"

"They're not exactly uncommon."

"With blacked out windows."

"Yeah."

"And what colour would you paint this chick magnet?"

"Green of course."

"I see."

"You do?"

"Green?"

"Yes. Maybe olive green."

"Olive green?"

"Yes."

"With blacked out windows?"

"Yes."

"Olive green?"

"You're full of questions I already have answers to."

"And this olive green car will be inconspicuous while you watch girls flash past the blacked out windows while driving up toll booth free roads to the farmhouse we do no farming on?"

"Yes…um…"

"Or at least more inconspicuous than a stolen armoured car with no air bags. With nukes."

"LAW rockets, not nukes."

"Same thing when your riding a burning metal death trap."

"That's why God invented seat belts."

"Mike and Raph?"

"Actually I'm afraid that was me."

"Let's go back home."

"It's a shame really. It could have been beautiful."

"And olive green."

"Oh, shut up."


End file.
